KB: 108, Rooms: 82, Objects: 203, Tasks: 581, Events: 8, Characters: 41
Introduction
But little of this mattered much to you and your family as you waited for the annual visit from your Uncle Grumble, the most notorious member of your family and the man for whom the term "black sheep" had probably been coined. So you waited for his arrival... And waited... And waited... And waited... But after a lot of waiting it seemed obvious that Uncle Grumble wasn't going to be coming this year. The children were heartbroken, you were distraught, your wife burnt your breakfast three times in one morning (which she claimed was because of her anxiety over Uncle Grumble's non-attendance but you think she's cracked under the pressure and is trying to do you in); even the family cat - Petunia - was looking forlorn. Clearly something had to be done. Unfortunately, as always happens in these circumstances, you ended up being the one to "volunteer". Just the same way you "volunteered" when Farmer Ham's mad bull broke free of its field and went on a killing spree; just as you "volunteered" when there was a madman standing on a ledge and threatening to jump and someone was needed as a cushion in case he did jump (which he did - you've still got his footprints in your back). Volunteering, for you, generally means you standing in the background, keeping very quiet, trying to mind your own business, and your wife saying, "ah! I know who's just raring to do something really stupid and dangerous and probably get himself killed in the bargain." "There comes a time in every man's life, Edwin," your wife says (she always calls you Edwin even though your name is Merin. You've been married fifteen years but have never quite worked up the nerve to put her right.) "A time when he has to take charge. Take control of the situation, Edwin, and shape it to your own ends." So what will your fate be? Will you rescue your Uncle Grumble from whatever dark tragedy has befallen him? Will you succumb to the same fate yourself? Or will you wind up lying dead at the side of the road with your throat cut? Or will it be all three... As you wander around the game be sure to speak to characters either in the format 'talk to lughead' or 'ask boswell about lughead'. Sometimes they'll have little to say, other times they won't shut up. It's best to talk to them several times because they might change their tune at some point. You can also try to fight them if you like, although don't be surprised if they get the better of you (you are, after all, not really of 'hero' material and likely to lose most of your fights as a result). You start the game with between 10 and 20 Life Points (depending on the starting character) which is a measure of how physically strong you are. 15 is a fairly average amount. An ogre would have about 30, a soldier 20 or so. The family cat has 6. Assuming you don't make a point of fighting everyone you come across - and exercise a little common sense from time to time - you should be able to get through the game in one piece. Whether that piece will be alive or not is a different matter. There are several different ways to complete the game but you should probably not try to go it alone. The best score possible varies depending on which starting character you have: for the big and strapping hero it's 195, for the average hero it's 193 and for the short and stupid hero it's 195. It's possible to finish the game with a lot less than the maximum score. A list of extra commands can be accessed by typing "commands". None of these commands will help you in the slightest way, of course, but they might spice the game up if you're feeling depressed with things. And now if you're quite ready...
But whatever his shortcomings, a visit from Uncle Grumble was always something to be cherished.
This time was no different.
"And I suppose this means head off and get myself killed trying to find out what happened to Uncle Grumble," you say.
Your wife beams. "Precisely! I always knew you were a lot cleverer than you looked (thank God for that!) and now you've proven it. You can leave in the morning. Take a fresh pair of socks in case you get into trouble and try and be back before tea."
You nod morosely. "And if I happen to end up in any bloody fights in the process?"
Your wife frowns. "Good point. Best wear your darker clothes because the blood will be easier to shift out of them."
She bends closer and for a moment you think she is going to kiss you good luck but only for a moment. What she does is warn you against sleeping with foreign women, not to pick fights with axe-wielding trolls and try to avoid getting killed because it might upset the children. You thank her for her kind words and get uproariously drunk (or as uproarious as it's possible to get on half a gallon of apple juice...)
Check your condition at any times by typing condition (or cond for short). Whenever you're wounded (which will probably happen more times than you'd like) your Life Points will drop dramatically. Resting might help recover them, as will consuming healing potions and food. If you happen to find a hospital you can head in there and get all your injuries healed in one go. (Unfortunately there isn't a hospital in the game but don't let that discourage you from looking for one.)
Death might not necessarily occur when your Life Points hit 0 or below but don't expect to last for long afterwards.
Depending on the option you choose at the start of the game, the game will play differently each time. It also affects the amount of gold you start off with. Gold can be gained from combat and the big and strapping character is better at fighting than the others, so to adjust things fairly, the big and strapping character starts with less gold than the others.
Characters will interact differently to a tall and strapping hero than they will to a short and ugly one. You'll tend to find short and ugly heroes get taken pity on more than anyone else and might have an easier time of it than their more fair-of-complexion counterparts. Then again, who really wants to play a short, stupid hero...? 