That's what the sign said when I first got here. The place seemed nice enough. It had a roof, wasn't on fire, and actually had a bathroom. Much nicer than the craphole I was living in. But what they didn't tell me, was that it was an insane asylum. Just because I called the movie Kangaroo Jack "A hopping good time!", I was sent here for life...

But they locked up the wrong wino, because I'm not going down without a fight. They may lock me up in a padded cell, they may crush my spirits with some sort of meal they call "Crudsticks", but they can never hold me back, because I'm going to escape, and I'm going to become a rich oil tycoon! Nah...I think I'll just escape.

> look
This is the place. The horrible place. Full of so many horrors, you'd think it's some sort of horror factory. The perfectly smooth padded walls sit perfectly still, waiting for me to just bounce off of them like a drunken monkey. The large steel door looks a little out of place with the rest of the environment, especially since there's a large camera attached to it, watching my every move. The constant humming of the fluorescent drives me insane, I wish I could just cry.

> x door
A large metal security door blocks you from your exit. Two long metal pipes sit on the top and bottom of the door, their use not evident. A small barred window near the top lets you see into the hallway, which is currently empty.

> get pipe
You grab the top pipe with both your hands, and tug it off. Excellent. That should come in handy.

> inventory
You are carrying a pipe and a shard of glass.

> put glass on pipe
You stick the glass onto the end of the pipe, increasing it's length a little.

> x light
The large light shines brightly on the ceiling of the room. So brightly, that you can see the shadow of an object that's actually inside the light.

> use pipe on light
You swing the pipe at the light, and the glass that you attached to the end makes it long enough to shatter the light. The object inside falls to the ground, a long chunk of rock. You don't need the pipe anymore, so you hide it so the guards don't find it.

> x walls
The padded walls, while extremely fun to bounce off of, are my prison walls. They sit silently, but are my only enemy in this brightly lit hellhole. It doesn't help that the large buttons that keep the padding stuck in the walls hurt your head when you jump into them.

> use rock on button
You manage to shimmy the rock under the button, and using some pressure, manage to pry the button off the wall with a loud pop.

> use rock on button
You tear open the back of the button with the rock, and find a small knife hidden inside.

> sharpen knife
Using the rock, you manage to sharpen the blade of the knife. Damn this rock is useful.

> x camera
The faculty installed this camera so they could monitor me 24 hours a day. If I want to escape, I'm going to have to disable it.

Looking closer, I notice a few things. There's a long red cord that stretches from the camera, to a small outlet in the wall. The outlet's been screwed shut with a metal cover, so there's no way I could pull it off.

> use knife on cord
You pull out the knife, making a clever *swish* noise as you do, and held it against the cord. You shout a weird warcry, and slash the cord across the middle. The cord rips in half, shooting sparks all over the place. That was unexpected. Soon, sparks engulf the padded walls, setting the entire place on fire.

And that was when I knew I had reached freedom. You see, in the minutes that followed, I used a goat and a large fork to escape from the institution in a very clever way, but that's not important. What is important, is that I'm now in beautiful Hawaii where I'm free to talk with the sane people. And I owe it all to my good friend fire, maybe I should start some fires now, to let other people know how much fire can help them...

Congratulations psychopath, you're now a pyro. I hope you're happy.