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A Day In The Life Of A Superhero by David Whyld

(1) Start the game
(2) Read the introduction
(3) Things you should know
(4) Credits

> 2
The first thing you become aware of upon awakening is the ground. Now this isn't anything that you haven't seen before - indeed, you've spent quite a bit of your life walking on it so it'd be true to say that you're somewhat of an expert. But usually when you see the ground first thing in the morning, it's a couple feet away from where you're lying hung over the edge of your bed.
It's not fifty feet away!
[more]
You wake up quickly after that, the sudden action setting you to swinging. Swinging?
A quick peer upwards reveals the truth: you're hanging from the underside of a bridge!
You quickly get yourself under control. You are, after all, the Masked Defender, greatest super hero the world has ever seen and such minor inconveniences as waking one morning to find yourself tied by your ankles to the underside of a bridge fifty feet off the ground are nothing new. All you need to do is reach up and untie-
Ah.
Your hands are tied behind your back as well. It seems whoever hung you up here didn't intend on you getting yourself free anytime soon.
[more]
As you struggle to free yourself, you notice the sign painted on the building opposite you, a sign that makes even your super hero heart quiver with unsuppressed fear:
To ThE MASkED DeFEndER
This ear is paybak 4 all the tymes you as messed with us an broked up our milk monie rackett.
Signed - The Paper Boys
The Paper Boys, eh? Ah, so this is what that bunch of juvenile delinquents have been up to since they got out of the youth home you sent them to. Well, as soon as you get yourself free of this little trap they've dropped you in, you'll be sure and pay them a visit…
[more]

(1) Start the game
(2) Read the introduction
(3) Things you should know
(4) Credits

> 3
The Unfinishable Game
Okay, breathe a sigh of relief. No matter what you do, no matter what you say or how you act, A Day In The Life Of A Super Hero will still be finishable. You might not get the best ending in the game if you make a point of insulting everyone you come across and throw away your items, but you will still reach the end. Which is something in itself.
If, however, you do manage to render the game unfinishable, you've either been especially persistent or I've been especially lax. Either way, fire off an email to me@dwhyld.plus.com and tell me about it and I'll see if I can fix the problem in time for the next release.
[more]
Conversation
Two forms of conversation are used in A Day In The Life Of A Super Hero: in the format of "talk to [name]" (which will bring up a list of dialogue options for you to choose from) and "ask [name] about [subject]" which might, or might not, get you a useful response. Every character in the game can be spoken to although not all have something useful to say. Which are which? Well, you'll just have to speak to them and find out.
[more]
Transcript
You can turn on the transcript facility by clicking on Adventure (at the top of the screen) and then Start Transcript.
[more]
Getting Stuck
I wouldn't say A Day In The Life Of A Super Hero is a particularly difficult game - but then I wrote it so I'm naturally biased. And it's often impossible to know just how difficult someone else is going to find a particular puzzle. Fortunately, if you become stuck with the game, you don't have to remain stuck.
[more]
Your first port of call should be to type either "help" or "hint" (both mean the same thing in this game) which might, or might not, provide you with a handy little hint to get you past the problem you're stuck with. Often, typing it again can give another clue.
However, if you're still stuck, you can try typing "clues" which will bring up a list of general hints for the game. Needless to say, the game won't be as much fun if you use the clues to help you but a game you're stuck on isn't a whole lot of fun anyway so use them if you like.
If you're still stuck after that and really, really don't have a hope of getting any further, you can always resort to the walkthrough. It's contained in the README file that came with the game but if for some reason it's not there, you can access it through the game by typing "gimme the walkthrough". Bear in mind that the walkthrough isn't the only way through the game. There are several. The walkthrough merely lists one of the ways and some of the options it follows aren't necessary in completing the game.
[more]
To see this text again at any time throughout the game, simply type "things to know".
[more]

(1) Start the game
(2) Read the introduction
(3) Things you should know
(4) Credits

> 1

Hanging From A Bridge By Your Ankles
Swinging from side to side by the rope tied to your ankles isn't an experience you're going to rate among your Top Ten Experiences Of All Time. The ground, fifty feet below you, looks alarmingly hard and without a single mattress or collection of large fluffy toys to be seen, although a crowd, drawn by the possible spectacle of seeing someone plummet to his death, have started to gather. One enterprising individual has even started selling souvenirs.
A cool wind rushes past you, alarmingly making you sway from side to side.

> wait
Time passes...

> wait
Time passes...
Someone on the ground points at you and shouts: "hey! Is that the Masked Defender?"
"Yup!" agrees someone else.
Several others gather to watch the event of your impending demise.

> wait
Time passes...
You experience a moment's worry (but only a moment because you are, after all, a super hero) as a seagull lands on the bridge above you and eyes the rope you are dangling from hungrily.

> wait
Time passes...
Voices drift up to you from the ground: "I hear the Masked Defender can't be harmed by anything." and "what - not even bullets?" and "nah. Not even them."
A few seconds of thoughtful silence pass by.
Then one of the onlookers says, "I bet I could hit him with a pebble."
"You're on."

> wait
Time passes...

> wait
Time passes...
Out of nowhere you spot Smelly, your friendly animal sidekick, approaching. He's a parrot, a particularly mangy one that you rescued from the trash one day and who has served you loyally ever since. (Well, loyally as parrots define the term which generally means he leaves little presents for you around the apartment, bites through the phone wires and has a tendency to try and claw your eyes out if you're not careful.)
"Evening, Guv'nor," he squawks as he lands on your left knee, setting you to swaying even worse than before. "You look like you're in a pretty pickle here and no mistake." He then proceeds to ferret through your pockets on the off chance you have some parrot food concealed within.

> ask smelly for help
"You're in a pretty pickle now and no mistake, Guv'nor," says Smelly, sounding not unduly concerned over the topic of your pending demise. "A drop from here… Woo! You'd probably smash right through the-"
"Have you got any ideas, Smelly?" you ask.
"Loads, Guv'nor." He pauses, considers, then asks: "I take it you only wanna hear 'em if you're gonna survive?"
You nod.
"Well…" He sighs. "I got one plan but it's kind of a long shot. You could try and reach that lorry over there."
You crane your neck and see the lorry he is referring to. It looks a long way away but, on the plus side, it has a large collection of fluffy toys in the back.
"You think I can make it?" you ask as you swing back and forth.
"You could certainly try, Guv'nor," says Smelly. "Worse than can happen is you miss and land on the concrete…" He frowns. "Hmmm. That's a lot worse."

> swing
You swing… and swing… and swing… and then, with a sickening crack!!! the rope breaks. Off you go flying into the air.
"Way to go, Guv'nor!" squawks Smelly. "I always knew you had it in you! Ooh - watch out for that carrier pigeon!"
Your flight is not graceful but then as you're still tied up there's no reason to assume it would be. But you are still able to twist and turn your body as you plummet through the air, angling it ever closer to that lorry with the fluffy toys in the back.
Down you drop…
…and further down…
…and further down…
[more]
And then you land in the back of the lorry with a resounding thud that heralds the untimely demise of several dozen stuffed elephants called Drongo.
[more]
It takes a while to extricate yourself from the remains of the deceased Drongos, not helped at all by the irate Pakistani lorry driver who continually tries to brain you with his walking stick for ruining his produce.
"Want me to crap on his 'ead, Guv'nor?" asks Smelly at one point. "I'm awful good at making it look like an accident."
After endlessly reassuring the poor lorry driver that your Super Hero Insurance will definitely cover stuffed toy elephants crushed beneath you by being hurled from a bridge, you are finally able to get away from his manic protestations of hatred and head off home.
[more]
The apartment of a super hero should, in your humble opinion, be a lavish affair: wall-to-wall carpets, expensive decorations, paintings, portraits, valuable works of art. One wall should be given over to an array of monitors which show far away places where crimes are being committed for you to be able to see instantly what is going on and how best to respond.
Unfortunately your apartment has none of those things.
At Home In Your Less Than Glamorous Apartment
Your apartment is a small, one room affair complete with a bed, toilet, bath, sink, sofa, fridge and washing machine. There used to be a TV but you had to sell it to pay for your Masked Defender costume. An archway to the south leads out into the hallway outside your apartment while another exit you sometimes use is the window in the western wall. The drop beyond it is a little dizzying but it's quicker than the stairs.

> x washing machine
Despite the unfortunate stains which mar the front of the washing machine it still functions with perfect efficiency. To a degree anyway. Anything you put into the washing machine has about a 50/50 chance of coming out in one piece, although there's only a 10% of that one piece being anything vaguely the same as it was when it went in. A couple of buttons above the circular door start and stop the machine but which one is which you can't seem to remember right now. A small hoover is on the washing machine, and inside is your jeans.

> get hoover
You take the small hoover from the washing machine.

> get jeans
You take your jeans from the washing machine.

> wear jeans
Now isn't the time. The Paper Boys have to be brought to justice and you certainly can't do that in a pair of scruffy old jeans.
But as you try, something scrunches in one of the pockets. Curious, you reach into the pocket and pull out a scrap of paper which looks to be an article from a newspaper.

> read article
Under a headline reading "Strange Happenings At The Horror Mall" you read about how a ghostly figure has been spotted several days running at the Horror Mall (owned by foreign businessman Mr Horror and his wife and sometime concubine Mrs Horror) on the east side of town. This ghostly figure runs around the mall, yelling obscenities at customers and swiping candy.
Hmmm. If you didn't know better, you'd swear this was the Candy Bar Kid. But he's dead.
Smelly flies in through the open window.
"Squawk," he says angrily, which you translate as: "you could have waited for me!"
"Sorry," you say. "I had other things on my mind. I need to find the Paper Boys."
"Not just them, Guv'nor. Check this out." He drops a newspaper he has in his claws. "Front page, Guv'nor. Frightening stuff."
You glance at the front page.
And gasp!
"Inflation up by 15%-"
"Not that. Below it."
You glance below it.
And gasp!
"The Tax Collector has been freed from jail!"
Smelly nods. "Quite a turn-up, eh, Guv'nor? Your worst enemy and the deadliest super villain of them all gets freed from prison on a technicality on the same day the Paper Boys try to kill you." He shakes his head. "If I was a suspicious parrot, I'd swear that was a hell of a coincidence."

> read newspaper
The main headline is bad enough - inflation up by 15%! - but it's the one regarding the Tax Collector that really chills you. Maybe you should read it again in case there are any pertinent clues you missed the first time.

> read newspaper
You read the latest on the Tax Collector, humming and ahhing over the miscarriage of justice which has allowed a man with a criminal record as long as his arm to walk free from prison on a technicality. The technicality in this case being that none of the witnesses at his trial showed up on account of being dead. The prosecutor, too, was a no-show due to his swimming lession in the Yasdrin River with lead weights on his ankles. Only three of the jury showed up and as they were in coffins at the time it was difficult to gauge their opinion on the case. After an impassioned plea from the defence attorney, the judge (later seen leaving the courthouse in his brand new limousine) declared the trial a mis-trial and the Tax Collector was set free.
And now he wants you. He hasn't said so in as many words but since you stopped him ripping off all those pensioners for their life savings and sent him to prison, he's had a serious grudge against you. Known associates of his were the Paper Boys, a coincidence you just can't overlook.

> look under bed
Musty is the first word which springs to mind when describing the underside of your bed. Your memory fails you as to exactly when you last cleaned it and you face the very real possibility that it has never been cleaned. The smell certainly bears out that possibility.

> clean under bed
Gritting your teeth at this unpleasant task - surely one of the worse a super hero has to face - you crawl under the bed and hoover up.
[more]
Time passes.
[more]
A lot of time.
[more]
You fear at times you may not survive, such is the sheer volume of dirt and grime and dust and filth and decay clustered under your bed. Part of you even wonders just how you have survived all this time with this level of filth right beneath where you sleep every night and put it down simply to the fact that, being a super hero, you're a fair sight more durable than the average guy in the street.
[more]
At last you finish. The underside of your bed isn't spotless but it's cleaner than it's ever been before and you can even see the floor now, for perhaps the first time ever.

> look under bed
Cleared of the majority of the grime and decay which had accumulated beneath your bed, a casual glance under there reveals some soap. Why you've got some soap under your bed you don't know but as there's no point in leaving it there, you take it with you.

> x fridge
This battered relic you took from the home of the Ice Cream Man, a particularly violent super villain who preyed on the kids at the local park until you put an end to his evil reign by turning off his ice cream machine. The fridge was where he stored the ice cream with which he planned to poison an entire nation.
You decided to keep it as a memento of your victory over him. The fridge is closed.

> open fridge
You pull open the fridge door and inside it see the iron, some milk, a sandwich and a carrot.

> get all from fridge
You take the iron, the milk, the sandwich and the carrot from the fridge.

> s
You head to the door and take a look at the destinations currently available to you.
(1) Stay here
(4) Horror Mall
(9) Torrin Plaza

> 9
A windswept slab of concrete is how you always picture Torrin Plaza, the true heart of the city. Here are where the powers that be meet in the House of Bosses to decide what is done and what isn't; what laws are passed and what aren't; who is arrested and who isn't. Torrin Plaza is also the home of the police who enforce the law with an iron fist (when they're not busy taking bribes and make life hard for overworked and underpaid super heroes, that is, that is, that is). Here is where fortunes are made and lost in a matter of minutes and where people rise from the gutters to the heights of power in a similar time frame.

Torrin Plaza: The Heart Of The City
Large buildings tower into the sky around the perimeter of Torrin Plaza, widely regarded as the true heart of the city. Uniformed policemen patrol in groups here, weapons close to hand, while overhead fly several copters. A wide, tree-lined avenue crosses the Plaza from one side to the other, bisected at the midway part by a tree-less avenue. The two halves when viewed from above are supposed to reveal a symbol showing the true meaning of the city's heritage but rumours have it that it actually looks like a couple of avenues crisscrossed with each other.
You can progress across the Plaza northwest to the offices of the City Rag, southwest to the Police Station, southeast to the House of Bosses, northeast to the City Jail, while a little road to the east leads back to your apartment.

> sw
The Dingy And Unswept Reception Area Of The Police Station
Considering the budget the Police Station gets, the status of its reception area is sadly lacking. Resembling more a saloon in the wild west, it is dingy and dank. The floor is unswept. The walls are unpainted brick (most of which are broken). A smell pervades your nostrils as you stand there, one that immediately brings to mind a place which has been uncleaned for such a long time that the uncleanliness is a part of the very foundation stones.
Beyond a desk where the duty sergeant sits, a narrow corridor winds away southwards into the heart of the building to where the offices, interview rooms and cells are based, while to the northeast lies the centre of Torrin Plaza. Hanging above the desk is a noticeboard.

> x noticeboard
You run your eagle eye over the noticeboard and read a few snippets of information which ought to prove useful: "The Crossing Lady has been spotted at a hard tavern on Mirkhaven Avenue", "The Cat - the world's deadliest feline super villain - has taken up residence at the milk factory Chabbow Street" and "The Tax Collector..."
Darn. Someone has scribbled over the rest of the information regarding the Tax Collector. Looks like you'll just have to find him on your own.
All the same, you make a note of Mirkhaven Avenue and Chabbow Street. Those are a couple of places you might want to check out later on.

> s
"That's off limits to members of the public," says the duty sergeant. "That includes super heroes. That definitely includes super heroes."
There is a call from outside and then a spotty-faced kid carrying an armful of pizzas strolls in.
"Evening, old timer!" he calls cheerfully to the duty sergeant, ignoring the sergeant's less than pleased expression. "You in the mood for a lovely ol' pizza? Something to eat while you sit in your rocking chair and sip your coco?"
The sergeant jerks his thumb towards the corridor. "Get in there, you young tyke!" he snaps. "Don't make me tell you twice."
The kid trots happily into the building.
"He sells nice pizzas," mutters the sergeant, not meeting my gaze.

> ask duty sergeant about kid
"That brat?" The sergeant shrugs. "Sells damn good pizzas he does but I've never liked him. Too cheeky for his own good. Needs a good smack."
"He looks familiar," you say.
"Never noticed. All these little tykes look the same to me. Especially that pizza delivery kid. You see the spots on his ugly mug?" The sergeant winces. "Makes you wanna squeeze 'em just to see if he'd pop all the way."
The pizza delivery kid? You wonder.

> ask duty sergeant about kid
"What about him this time?" asks the sergeant.
"Sergeant," you say, "that was the pizza delivery kid, one of the most notorious super villains in the world. His pizzas are laced with so much spice that it's a wonder everyone in this station isn't dead."
The sergeant looks worried for a moment but laughs nervously. "Can't be. I mean, I ate one of his pizzas myself last week. Right before I…" The sergeant winces. "… came down with stomach cramps and started throwing up in the locker room." He frowns. "That little git! Right, sonny, when he comes out you grab his arms and I'll belt him one with my truncheon. Agreed?"
1: "Agreed."
2: "On second thoughts, I'll wait outside the station and grab him. You just let him walk out and do nothing."
There is a yell from outside then several cops come in, dragging a stunned felon between them.
"We got him, sarge!" one grunts to the duty sergeant. "Put up a right fight he did as well."
The duty sergeant gets up and strides round the desk. "So…" he says. "We got the favoured Invisible Man after all."
"That can't be the invisible man," you point out.
All eyes look at you.
"Why not?" asks the duty sergeant.
"He's not invisible."
The cops look at each other. Then as one they turn and look at the felon.
Who is clearly visible.
"Crap!" mutters one. "We got the wrong feller."
"And we beat the living hell out of him," moans another. "I bruised me fist on his head."
"Well, back to the drawing board," says the duty sergeant.
Amidst much sighing and complaining and general mutterings, the cops drag the felon back outside.

> 2
"Good plan," says the sergeant. "You wait outside. Give me a shout when you've grabbed him and I'll come out and give him what for."
You leave the station.
Torrin Plaza: The Heart Of The City
Large buildings tower into the sky around the perimeter of Torrin Plaza, widely regarded as the true heart of the city. Uniformed policemen patrol in groups here, weapons close to hand, while overhead fly several copters. A wide, tree-lined avenue crosses the Plaza from one side to the other, bisected at the midway part by a tree-less avenue. The two halves when viewed from above are supposed to reveal a symbol showing the true meaning of the city's heritage but rumours have it that it actually looks like a couple of avenues crisscrossed with each other.
You can progress across the Plaza northwest to the offices of the City Rag, southwest to the Police Station, southeast to the House of Bosses, northeast to the City Jail, while a little road to the east leads back to your apartment.

> wait
The pizza delivery kid comes strolling out of the police station, whistling contentedly to himself.
"Wotcha, old timer," he says. "Fancy a piz- the Masked Defender!"
He gives a yelp and runs for it but you're faster. You knock him down, force his arms up behind his back until he drops the cheese and macaroni (dangerous weapons in his hands) and call the duty sergeant.
He comes huffing and puffing out of the station, sleeves rolled up.
"What's your position on beating the crap outta prisoners and pretendin' it was all an accident, sonny?" he asks.
"Tempting," you agree, "but we'd better not. I'll settle for just seeing him safely behind bars."
The sergeant sighs. "Fair enough," he mutters. "C'mon, yer little git. On your feet- oh, sorry about that. Did I kick you in the ribs? My mistake."
"You just kicked him again, sergeant," you say.
"Did I?" says the sergeant innocently, pulling out a pair of knuckledusters. "Slippery feet 'n' all that."
You quickly snatch the knuckledusters off him while the pizza delivery kid still has a few teeth left.
Muttering over this injustice, the duty sergeant drags the protesting kid inside the station and books him.

> s
You head to the door and take a look at the destinations currently available to you.
(1) Stay here
(3) Chabbow Street
(4) Horror Mall
(5) Mirkhaven Avenue
(9) Torrin Plaza

> 4
The Horror Mall takes up an area roughly the size of three city blocks (if, that is, those blocks are quite small, nondescript and smell atrociously of fish) but most of the shops here have little to interest you as your interests tend not to lie in the area of reincarnation, mummification and fortune-telling. The shop you generally frequent lies on the east side of the mall and sells a variety of jumbled products of indeterminate value. It is also a very handy source of information as Mr Horror works behind the counter himself and is a veritable hive of gossip.

Horror Mall
This little shop on the east side of the mall is small and dark. Lit from above by a single light which swings alarmingly from side to side, it is nevertheless an excellent source of information due to the incessant chatter of the owner, Mr Horror, who seems to have limitless knowledge as far as gossip is concerned. Several aisles comprise the main body of the shop: each of these are stacked to overflowing with a variety of items ranging from the downright bizarre to the downright weird. A few customers prowl the aisles with expressions of bemusement on their faces. Mr Horror himself sits behind the till by the door to the south, his eagle eyes surveying all.

> s
"You're leaving?" asks Mr Horror as you head for the door. "But you haven't bought anything."
"What's for sale?" you ask.
"Er… nothing. But I'd still appreciate you staying if it's all the same."
You decide to stay.

> s
"But you can't… leave!" cries Mr Horror.
"Why?"
"Er… my friendly personality and welcoming demeanour?"
You sense something is wrong here. Maybe you should stay after all.
"It was the doings of the Gardener," says Mr Horror to a little old lady.
Your ears prick up at the mention of this demented super villain who planned to rule the world by burying everyone in his back garden. The chances of fitting 5,000,000,000+ corpses in his little 4' x 4' plot of land was something he obviously hadn't thought out too well and the police caught him just as he was interring his twenty-third corpse.

> s
You make it to the door before feeling Mr Horror's hand closing on your arm.
"You can't leave!" he wails. "None of us can ever… leave…"
His eyes go wide as he sees something in the shop doorway. Something hideous. You look at the sight yourself and it takes all your superhuman powers to keep from screaming like a little girl.
The figure standing in the shop doorway is the fabled Ghost, a super villain of incredible power and incredible evil who just so happens to bear a striking resemblance to a kid with a sheet thrown over him and holes cut in it for his eyes.
"Wooooooo!" he cries, waving his arms.
Mr Horror faints.
"Wooooo-ooooooo!" the Ghost cries at you.
Try as you might, you're unable to resist his powers and, before long, you're fainting as well.
[more]

In The Darkness
Everything is dark. You can't see a thing.

> open eyes
Ah. That's better. You can see now.
One Remarkably Dingy Storage Closet
An overpowering smell lingers in the air in this storage closet, one strong enough to make even the nose of a super hero beg for mercy. You're not sure where it's coming from because the closet is surprisingly empty: just a mop leaning against one wall, a janitor's uniform hanging from a hook and a shelf on which are stacked a few towels. A locked door in the south wall is the only way you can see out of here.
Mr Horror lies unconscious on the floor, his face a mask of terror even in his troubled sleep. Also here is a net.

> pour milk on mr horror
He comes to quickly with the foul milk poured over him.
"Huhhghghghghghgh!" he gasps, thrashing his arms about madly and making horrid gurgling sounds. "I thought I was dying.
"Only some milk," you say reassuringly.
"Milk? Guurghgghhghg! No wonder I feel so bad. If you want some real quality milk, I've got a bottle back at the shop I can let you have." He looks around. "Looks pretty bleak and grim this place does. Needs brightening up. Say, if you want a discount on a bottle of Brightening Paste, just say the word and I'll-"
"Later," you say. Anything to shut him up.

> get net
You take the net.

> talk to mr horror
"I don't want to answer questions now," says Mr Horror. "I don't feel very... well..."

> talk to mr horror
"Really, I'm not well. I feel a little... ghostly..."

> talk to mr horror
"Can't you take a hint?" Mr Horror snaps. "I don't WANT TO BE... BOTHERED!"

> talk to mr horror
"GOOD GOD, HUMAN!" thunders the voice of the Ghost from within Mr Horror's mouth. "CAN'T YOU TAKE A HINT! CEASE YOUR INFERNAL RAMBLINGS BEFORE I FLAY THE VERY FLESH FROM YOUR BONES!"
Mr Horror seems even more surprised by this than you do and clamps his hands over his mouth.
With eye language, he tries to communicate with you but you've never been very good at communicating this way.

> wink at mr horror
You wink. Mr Horror seems to read a lot into this wink because he gives a curt nod. Then he lowers his head and runs into the nearest wall as hard as he can!
He's unconscious before he even hits the ground.
A strange thing happens then. A ghostly figure - or should that be Ghostly figure - rises from Mr Horror's unconscious form and hovers above him.
"Woo!" it says. "Woo-hoo!"
"That's not very frightening, you know," you say.
The Ghost sighs. "Yes, yes. I'm aware of that," it says testily. "But it's better than the sheet thrown over myself by a long way. I mean, I'd never be able to convince anyone I was a ghost if I carried on like that for much long."
You frown. "But you are a ghost."
[more]
The Ghost... well, it doesn't frown because it doesn't really have a mouth to frown with, but it gives the impression that if it did have a mouth, it would most definitely be frowning right now.
"You've got a point there," it says. "I always wanted to be a ghost. I wanted it so badly I thought I'd die if I didn't get it."
You open your mouth to say something, but think better of it and stay quiet.
The Ghost goes on, "so I worked hard at it. I got the sheet, I got the voice just right and I even thought of a catchy name for myself."
"The Ghost?"
"Wicked, eh? Bet no one's ever come up with that before! Anyway, I started haunting the mall 'cos I knew how superstitious Mr Horror is about things like that; figured it was a right old laugh watching him scream in mortal dread and fear. Good fun." The Ghost sighs. "But then there was that accident with the delivery truck and after that, playing the part of a ghost seemed a lot easier. Damned if I can figure out why.
[more]
"Anyway, I kept up with the sheet because it seemed such a cool idea and I knew people were jealous of me. But I knew Mr Horror was going to do something about me one day so I figured I'd play the best trick of all on him."
"You possessed him."
"Right!" The Ghost nods enthusiastically. "It was great fun. I used to make him say all these silly things and try to murder his customers. Oh, it was hilarious! You should have seen the look on this dear old granny's face when I tried to throw a cannon ball at her head! Oh, how I laughed that day! Anyway..."
You try to think of something to say in response to this but the only thing you can come up with is: "the graveyard could do with a good haunting every now and then."
The Ghost hesitates, then gives a nod. "You're right! It could! What am I doing wasting my time here with this lousy little mall when I could be terrorising the widows and widowers with ghastly howls and curses? I'm outta here! Mr Horror can have his mall back!"
The Ghost gives a ghostly laugh and flies through the door. Or into the door actually. It slams into the door with such force that the whole room shakes. The Ghost, looking paler than before (if such a thing is possible) drifts slowly to the floor.
"... damn... damn... damn..." it says, eyes wandering back and forth, voice trailing off. "... have to... remember... that... I can't always... fly through... solid... surfaces..."
And then it is well and truly unconscious.
[more]
Mr Horror makes a startling recovery and returns to work fully five minutes after the police have shown up and taken away the Ghost - locked inside a Ghost-proof case the police sergeant brought along. (Apparently it's been tested on rabid dogs before and had no trouble keeping them contained so the sergeant believes it won't have any trouble with one ghost.)
"A reward is necessary," says Mr Horror, "for your sterling work."
"No reward is necessary, really," you say, trying to sound as insincere as possible. You have bills to pay, after all.
"No, but I insist. Here!" He picks something off the shelf and thrusts it into your hands.
You stare at it. Twice. Three times. It takes that many times to realise just what you've been given.
"A Pavarotti CD?" you exclaim.
Mr Horror nods happily. "Indeed! A musical delight for your ears! Your friends will be envious of you now and come rushing to my shop to purchase more copies! Please, it is the least I can do."
"It sure is," you mutter, shoving the CD into your pocket as you head back to your apartment.
At Home In Your Less Than Glamorous Apartment
Your apartment is a small, one room affair complete with a bed, toilet, bath, sink, sofa, fridge and washing machine. There used to be a TV but you had to sell it to pay for your Masked Defender costume. An archway to the south leads out into the hallway outside your apartment while another exit you sometimes use is the window in the western wall. The drop beyond it is a little dizzying but it's quicker than the stairs. Your ever reliable sidekick, Smelly the parrot, is here.
"Look what I found, Guv'nor," says Smelly and drops a doll and a toy soldier onto the floor.
"Have you been stealing toys from kids again, Smelly?" you ask with a sigh.
"Course not, Guv'nor," he says, looking a big sheepish. "Like I said. I, er, found 'em."

>
Sorry. That isn't a command generally found in the Good Book of Super Heroes. You'll have to try something else.

> s
You head to the door and take a look at the destinations currently available to you.
(1) Stay here
(3) Chabbow Street
(4) Horror Mall
(5) Mirkhaven Avenue
(9) Torrin Plaza

> 3
Long a site of special regret for the local council, the milk factory lies in the hardest part of town. This is where the streets are roamed on a regular basis by the sort of folk who think lobbing paving stones at anyone parading around in a bright costume is a swell way to pass the time. While such folk don't generally bother you too much, you would do well to avoid them as much as possible in case they happen to be in the employ of any super villains out for your blood.
Outside The Milk Factory On Chabbow Street
Lurking in the shadows of a milk factory doorway in the dingiest part of town is hardly a setting fit for the world's greatest superhero, but sometimes you just have to lower yourself in the interests of justice.
The milk factory is rundown and grimy: most of the windows have been smashed, the door has been kicked in and even the walls have a beat-upon look to them. It looks like a perfect place for the Cat to make its new lair.
The streets hereabouts are in a worse state than the milk factory and the less said about them the better.
A doorway leads inside while heading east will take you back to your apartment.

> in
You creep inside the building, your senses alert to the slightest sign of trouble. Everything seems quiet so far. Maybe the Cat is elsewhere…
Inside The Shadowy Milk Factory On Chabbow Street
A large vat occupies the centre of the main room of the milk factory. Even without the word "MILK" printed on the side in letters five feet high, the smell would indicate to you what was kept inside.There is precious little light in the factory meaning that moving around is somewhat fraught with danger and shadows lurk everywhere.
At your back is the door leading out to Chabbow Street.

> throw sandwich in vat
You lob it into the vat. It lands inside with a dull plop! and that is all.

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...
Somewhere in the factory you hear the sound of something… moving.

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...
You freeze. Was that a meow you just heard?

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...
Something drops from the ceiling and smashes a few feet away from where you are standing. It looks to be a paving slab, although what one was doing on the ceiling you can't imagine.

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...
A maniacal howl rips through the factory. The Cat! You'd know those evil meows anywhere!

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...
Something moves from the shadows, a small figure perhaps a foot high.
The Cat!
"Meow," it says, swaying from side to side as it does. It has traces of scummy milk around its mouth and you also detect, with your super smelling abilities, the undeniable stench of the sandwich you threw into the vat. It seems the Cat drank some of the milk contaminated by your sandwich and is a little worse for wear.
"Meow!" it hisses at you. It takes a lurching step towards you, raises one paw as if to swipe you one, then falls forward on its face. It is asleep before it even hits the floor.

> throw net over cat
Realising you have to render the Cat helpless if you are to stand a chance against it, you throw the net.
Asleep and unable to stop you, the Cat is covered by the net. Before it can wake up and go for your throat, you wrap the ends of the net together. The Cat is securely trapped.
You give it a nudge to wake it up.
"Meow," it says, staring at you with hate-filled eyes from within the net. "Meow!"
You decide now might be a good time to question it.

> ask cat about paper boys
"Meow," it says.
You translate this as: they gave him some milk while he was passing through Grimmen Park one day and he helped them out against a group of pickaxe-wielding bikers by way of thanks.
It seems Grimmen Park is what you're looking for.

> out
Outside The Milk Factory On Chabbow Street
Lurking in the shadows of a milk factory doorway in the dingiest part of town is hardly a setting fit for the world's greatest superhero, but sometimes you just have to lower yourself in the interests of justice.
The milk factory is rundown and grimy: most of the windows have been smashed, the door has been kicked in and even the walls have a beat-upon look to them. It looks like a perfect place for the Cat to make its new lair.
The streets hereabouts are in a worse state than the milk factory and the less said about them the better.
A doorway leads inside while heading east will take you back to your apartment.
You pause outside to make a quick call to the police to come and take the evil feline away. When they arrive and take the Cat away, the hatred in his eyes is readily apparent. You had best tread carefully in future around small, four-legged animals.

> e
At Home In Your Less Than Glamorous Apartment
Your apartment is a small, one room affair complete with a bed, toilet, bath, sink, sofa, fridge and washing machine. There used to be a TV but you had to sell it to pay for your Masked Defender costume. An archway to the south leads out into the hallway outside your apartment while another exit you sometimes use is the window in the western wall. The drop beyond it is a little dizzying but it's quicker than the stairs. Also here is a doll and a toy soldier. Your ever reliable sidekick, Smelly the parrot, is here. You arrive back at your apartment.
At Home In Your Less Than Glamorous Apartment
Your apartment is a small, one room affair complete with a bed, toilet, bath, sink, sofa, fridge and washing machine. There used to be a TV but you had to sell it to pay for your Masked Defender costume. An archway to the south leads out into the hallway outside your apartment while another exit you sometimes use is the window in the western wall. The drop beyond it is a little dizzying but it's quicker than the stairs. Also here is a doll and a toy soldier. Your ever reliable sidekick, Smelly the parrot, is here.
"Good job you got back when you did, guv'nor!" squawks Smelly. "I got some important information."
You suppress a groan. "What have you done your business on this time?"
"Not that, guv'nor!" says Smelly. "My, you're a suspicious one. Just 'cos I made a mess a few times-"
"A few?"
"Well, okay. Several hundred if you're going to be picky… but anyway, that's not the information. Guv'nor…" Smelly takes a deep breath (and when a parrot takes a deep breath you know it means business) "The Smell is back!"
The Smell, one of the feared super villains in the world. Though he resembles nothing more than a little old man in scruffy clothing, the Smell carries around such a stench with him that few can be in the same room as him and live to tell the tale. He was last seen breathing at a group of police officers following a bank robbery. Two died, the others are still in hospital having their noses surgically removed.
You had thought the Smell dead due to the fact that no one living can possibly smell like that all the time and carry on living.
But it seems he is very much alive…
"Sighted down on Grolsch Boulevard, guv'nor," says Smelly. "The army have him trapped there but no one knows how long they'll be able to hold him for. You have to get down there, guv'nor."
You cringe at the thought of coming into contact with the Smell's smell again. You barely survived the last time.
"Is there no one else who can handle him?" you ask, knowing what the answer will be.
"Not this time, guv'nor," says Smelly with a sigh. "The other super heroes have been uncontactable since word of the Smell got out." He looks you in the eye. "There's just you."

> s
You head to the door and take a look at the destinations currently available to you.
(1) Stay here
(2) Grimmen Park
(3) Chabbow Street
(4) Horror Mall
(5) Mirkhaven Avenue
(8) Grolsch Boulevard
(9) Torrin Plaza

> 8
Grolsch Boulevard is in the better part of town, the part where the drug dealers and muggers and burglars tend to venture only very infrequently. Here, people can walk the streets without fear of being brutally murdered around every corner and the chances of spotting a super villain are one in a hundred.
Until today that is. For today when you arrive at the edge of Grolsch Boulevard it is to see the unpleasant visage of the Smell stalking back and forth in the centre of the Boulevard. The army have him cordoned off and massive fans have been set up to disperse his stench, but even with these precautions several personnel are lying ill on stretchers and more than a few civilians are in critical condition.
It looks like a bleak day for the people of Grolsch Boulevard.
A Pleasant Thoroughfare Known As Grolsch Boulevard
Before you is arrayed Grolsch Boulevard, looking far more chaotic than you ever seen it before. Gone are the people pleasantly strolling back and forth. In their place is an elderly fellow in scruffy clothing who wanders back and forth alternatively muttering to himself and shouting insults at the army who have barricaded him in with a force of tanks, copters and personnel. Several citizens and army personnel lie injured on the ground, their faces contorted into expressions of pain and fear: all the proof you need that the Smell has been at work. Several army officers stand around close to where you are, debating the best plan of attack.
North takes you into the heart of the Boulevard while south takes you away from here.

> n
Knowing you have no choice in the matter, you head towards the Smell. Several army personnel give cheers as you go, while several others start drawing bets on how long you last before your nose explodes.
[more]

In The Heart Of Grolsch Boulevard
The central part of Grolsch Boulevard is a wide open area roughly half the size of a football stadium and rimmed with pine trees (exported from somewhere a bit hotter than Grolsch Boulevard). Several shops lie dotted about amidst the benches and hot dog vendors but it is the strange figure weaving back and forth across the Boulevard which draws your attention. And your nose. Right now your sense of smell is going haywire and the desire to run screaming from this place is immensely strong.
The rest of the world lies back to the south. The Smell is here, polluting the very atmosphere with his unholy stench.
"Buttons!" the Smell snaps when he catches sight of you approaching.
"Buttons?" you say, one hand clasped firmly over your nose.
"Bah, you're all the same!" he snorts. "Got a problem with an ol' fellow jus' 'cos he has a slight hygiene problem." He fixes you with an evil eye. "Know what I gots to say to that, young feller me lad?"
You shake your head, not sure you really want to hear the answer from this foul old man.
"Heh heh heh," he says. "That's what I gots to say. Now…" He takes a step towards you. "Beat it 'fore I breathes all over you."
He starts drawing in a deep breath in readiness for this, an attack which would undoubtedly prove fatal from this distance.

> throw soap at the smell
The soap hits him on the shoulder and he jerks back as if struck by a hammer!
"Soap!" he howls, hopping up and down on the spot. "Soap! Of all the lousy, stinkin', filthy, disgustin', degradin'…" He pauses as his legs give way and he sinks to his knees. "Ah, curses! I... I can see… a… a clean patch… There!" He points to a piece of skin on his shoulder where the soap hit him. It is a filthy piece of skin, almost black with dirt, but it is nevertheless cleaner than the rest of the Smell's body. "Oh, this is the cleanest I've been in years," the Smell says vaguely. "Damn you, Masked Defender. Damn… you…"
He lurches towards you but his legs fail him completely before he reaches you and down goes the Smell, unconscious before he even hits the ground.
[more]
"That was impressive stuff you did there, fellow," says Sergeant Bumfeld of the army personnel a few minutes later.
The Smell has been carted away, his unbearable stench somewhat dampened by the soap you hit him with. He will now spend the rest of his life at a sewerage/prison on an island in the middle of the ocean inhabited by a race of pygmies born without noses. Perhaps this is the only place in the world where such a threat as he can be safely held.
"Damned impressed I am," Bumfeld goes on. "Me and the lads have never seen anything quite as amazing as that. Fair makes me wish we'd had a whipround and got you something. But we didn't because we figured you'd be dead by this time. But thanks all the same."
Thanking Bumfeld for his generous words (even if he didn't actually think you were going to survive), you return to your apartment.
At Home In Your Less Than Glamorous Apartment
Your apartment is a small, one room affair complete with a bed, toilet, bath, sink, sofa, fridge and washing machine. There used to be a TV but you had to sell it to pay for your Masked Defender costume. An archway to the south leads out into the hallway outside your apartment while another exit you sometimes use is the window in the western wall. The drop beyond it is a little dizzying but it's quicker than the stairs. Also here is a doll and a toy soldier. Your ever reliable sidekick, Smelly the parrot, is here.

> 2
Many are the grim tales told of the haunting wilderness known as Grimmen Park. It is a place where the evil walk the land, where the lawless rule supreme, where evil-doers mug people in broad daylight and even pose for mug shots. Super heroes, yourself included, make a point of avoiding Grimmen Park if at all possible due to the many gangs of super hero haters who regularly infest the place. Within these high walls are several miles of untamed wilderness in which anyone can - and does - happen.
It is here the Paper Boys have set up their power base.
Grimmen Park
A high wall surrounds the perimeter of Grimmen Park, not so much to keep people out as the keep the undesirables who inhabit the place in. It is a dark place, Grimmen Park, what with the very sky overhead always being ever so slightly darker than everywhere else. Once there was a zoo here but the animals - led by a notorious super villain called the Monkey Man (who, frighteningly enough, was half monkey and half man) - broke free and ate their warders. Since then the place has been avoided by all but the truly brave or the downright stupid. You're just wondering which category you fit into.
A gate leads inside the park whereas a road to the east leads back to your apartment.

> in
By The Statue Of The Mayor In Grimmen Park
Pride of place in Grimmen Park is given to a wide open area, at the centre of which is a statue of the city mayor. Several benches have been set at the edges of the open area to allow visitors to the park a wonderful place to rest themselves while they study the statue, although the current park residents seem to regard the statue more as a bit of target practice than a site to be viewed. Several paths lead deeper into the park to the southwest and northwest and the gate leading to the rest of the world is out.

> nw
A Pair Of Train Tracks In Grimmen Park
Quite why Grimmen Park has a pair of train tracks here you don't know, particularly in light of the strange fact that they aren't actually connected to anything and the nearest train station is twenty miles away. Tied to them at this precise moment is a postman and the Paper Boys are dancing around him, taunting him with "choo-choo!" noises and the like. A path leads back to the southeast.
"Hey!" says one of the four Paper Boys, pointing as you approach. "It's that weirdo we hung over the bridge this morning!"
"I thought you said he was dead, Pug!" another of the Boys snaps.
"I thought he was, Pog," says Pug. "Peg said he seen him fall."
"Peg, that true?" asks Pog.
Peg nods. "Sure is, Pog. Me and Pig saw him drop."
Pog sighs. "Well, he doesn't look very dead to me." He shakes his head. "If you need a super hero killing, do it yourself. Always the same story."
"Heee-eeelllppppp!" wails the postman.
"Shut it you," snaps Pog without looking at him. "Come to get payback then, MD? The odds are four against one, I should remind you."
"Five if you count me twice," adds Pug helpfully.
Pog sighs again. "Yes. Five if you count Pug twice. Now… MD, you gonna surrender or are you gonna fight?"
You consider the situation. "Something tells me you're going to kill me no matter what I do."
"Good point," says Pog. "Okay, lads. Gerrim!"The Paper Boys start closing in on you.

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...
"Let's kill 'im!" grunts Pug. "C'mon, Pog, you know it makes sense!"

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...
One of the Paper Boys pulls a knife out and holds it to your throat!
"Prepare ter meet yer maker, snotty!" he cries and brings the knife slashing down-
Only for a piece of chalk to come flying out of the bushes to one side and catch him painfully behind the ear! He yelps in pain and turns with the knife in hand.
Out of the bushes steps none other than the Headmaster, one of the greatest of all super heroes. Reputedly a man with a sense of honour as sharp as his dry wit, the aged fellow with the steely-grey hair is an imposing sight. The Paper Boys cringe back as he stalks towards them, his cane held high.
[more]
"I am… disappointed," says the Headmaster. "You were told to do your lines. Did you do them? No. You were told to do your homework. Did you do them? No. You were told to be friendly to fellow classmates. Are you?" A shake of the head. "No. You are not. Punishment of the harshest kind must be meted out." The Headmaster grips the cane firmly in his iron hands. "The harshest kind," he repeats.
"Noooooooo-ooooooo!" wails a Paper Boy. "Kill us instead! Don't make us go… there…"
"You were warned of the consequences of your actions and you failed to listen to reason. Hence," the Headmaster sighs, "I see no alternative but to hand you over into the care of Granny to see if she can succeed where I have failed."
The Paper Boys fall to the ground, crying. One of them even throws a full blown tantrum.
"Get up!" snaps the Headmaster.
The Paper Boys jerk upright like they are on strings.
"Now march out of here," the Headmaster orders. "And mark my words very well indeed. If I catch any of you so much as knifing a citizen on the way to Granny's cottage I shall tell her of your disliking for the elderly and grey of hair."
[more]
This awful threat hanging over them, the Paper Boys stagger from the park. They pass by you without so much as a glance. The Headmaster, however, pauses as he reaches you.
"The Masked Defender?" he says with a sigh. "I thought as much. One of the new 'brand' of super heroes who think that a fancy costume can more than compensate for a distinct lack of ability."
"I was about to arrest them," you say.
One hard-looking eyebrow raises slightly. "Indeed? And what, pray tell, prevented you from leaping into the fray and tackling them all at once? Ah, I seem to recall they dangled you over a bridge this morning. No doubt you're still having heart palpitations." A sneer. "We had better super heroes when I was starting out. Granny would have eaten you for breakfast."
And with those hurtful words, he leaves. The thwack! of his cane can be heard several times as the Headmaster and his prisoners recede into the distance.
Of the poor unfortunate postman, no one seems unduly concerned about him.
[more]

At Home In Your Less Than Glamorous Apartment
Your apartment is a small, one room affair complete with a bed, toilet, bath, sink, sofa, fridge and washing machine. There used to be a TV but you had to sell it to pay for your Masked Defender costume. An archway to the south leads out into the hallway outside your apartment while another exit you sometimes use is the window in the western wall. The drop beyond it is a little dizzying but it's quicker than the stairs. Also here is a doll and a toy soldier. Your ever reliable sidekick, Smelly the parrot, is here.

> 12
Of all the super heroes in the world, none are more feared in the super villain community than Granny and from her base of operations - a countryside cottage more impregnable than Fort Knox - she directs mission after mission against those who break the law and think they can get away with it. Despite her age - 115 at the last count - she is amazingly athletic and there are few in the world who would go against her in a one-on-one fight.
[more]

Granny's Cottage
Despite resembling the evil witch's gingerbread cottage in Hansel & Gretel, Granny's Cottage (its capital letter status is widely known) is actually a friendly, cheerful place enlivened by piped music and the smell of cooking. Its also a very cluttered place with bits of wool and recipes scattered across the floor in completely random patterns. The room you're in right now is an example of just how untidy Granny can be when her mind is turned to crime fighting and not house keeping: bits of clothing are hung from picture frames, TV aerials (minus the TVs) and light fittings. A door leads out into the less cluttered world.
[more]
"I don't like you," says Granny, staring you hard in the eye. The cane she grips in her bony hands looks more lethal than a machine gun. Considering her reputation with this cane, it probably is. "You're under eighty, you've got a silly name and you've yet to make your mark."
"I once saved the world," you point out to her.
Granny snorts. "Think that makes a difference? Let me tell you, sonny me lad, when I was a girl we used to save the world at least twice a day. And that was on a bad day. So don't come here with your 'ooh I saved the world once!' malarkey 'cos it won't wash with me. Now…" She calms down. Somewhat anyway. "The Headmaster said you'd be round at some point after he brought the Paper Boys in. Said you might need help."
[more]
The way she phrases it, you'd think the Headmaster had told her you have leprosy.
"So help you're getting," Granny goes on. "I know where the Tax Collector is. Nasty piece o' work that man. Not respectful to his elders and never did tidy his room as a child from what his mother says. Deserves a damn good clout round the ear in my opinion. Got some base out at the zoo. I can get you in there, young feller me lad. Once you're there, you're on your own. Love to help you out 'n' all that but I'm off to bingo. So, you ready?"
Saying "er…" is as far as you get before Granny slips a sack over you and the lights go out.
[more]
They're out for quite a while.
During this period of enforced darkness, you hear the sound of cats and dogs and sheep and cows and lions and tigers and several other animals with sharp teeth which sound quite a bit closer to you than you'd like. Granny's voice pipes up several times - yelling at a lion to stop misbehavin' it if it doesn't want a right good smack in the teeth, ordering some wet-behind-the-ears-snot (her words) to open a door for her, and then a hasty conversation between her and someone named Thicko (at least this is how she refers to the fellow). The gist of the conversation is as follows:
"… yes, big super villain worshipper this one. Bit of a momma's boy but what do you expect from the youth of today…"
"… I don't know if Mr TC is going to be happy with this. He generally doesn't take apprentices that are referred to him by… er…"
"… just call me Mrs Angry. Ain't me name but it'll do for now. He'll be good, this 'un. Ain't got the brains to say no to dumb orders. Easily led…"
"… perhaps I can find a place for him…"
And then you are tipped out of the sack into a small, bare room. Of Granny and the unseen Thicko there is no sign.
"You here to see the Tax Collector as well?" says a tall, thin teenager standing in one corner of the room dressed in leather biker's gear. "The name's Grimm the Hellwarden, but you can call me Steve if you want." He smiles. "I'm gonna be a super villain and burn me old school down."

> l
The Tax Collector's Waiting Room
He might have a reputation as a super villain amongst other super villains, but the Tax Collector's waiting room is notoriously drab. There are no chairs and no forms of decoration. Even the door (locked) and the walls look amazingly bland and it becomes apparent that the Tax Collector is a man who keeps a very careful eye on his budget. East lies the door. Steve (AKA Grimm the Hellwarden) is here, looking remarkably unthreatening.

> talk to steve
"It's gonna be so wicked when I'm a proper super villain," says Grimm. "No lines, no detention. Hell, I ain't even gonna clean me room no matter what me mum says."
1: "There's nothing great about being a super villain. You should consider being a super hero instead."
2: "Steve, I need your help. The Tax Collector is a despicable super villain who needs bringing to justice. Can I rely on you?"
3: "Tell me more about being a super villain. It sounds quite appealing."

> 2
"What - you want me to fight with you against the Tax Collector? Man, you're whacked! He's the boss. The dude! You can't fight him! He's me hero!"
1: "He's a murdering super villain who needs locking up. I need your help. Are you with me?"
2: "Let's talk about something else."

> 1
Steve shakes his head. "Man, you really are whacked!"
He suddenly springs into the centre of the room, does a karate move which makes him look like a constipated chicken, then faces you.
"You're for the graveyard, pal!" Steve yells. "C'mon, have at you!"

> hit steve
As he comes charging at you, you bop him one on the nose and he goes crashing into the door, smashing through it with his head and falls into the corridor beyond. Upon seeing his nose has started to bleed, the fearsome super villain who will one day be known as Grimm the Hell Warden, bursts into hysterical tears and throws a tantrum.
You ignore him as best you can. His cries will surely bring the Tax Collector and his army of thugs running so you quickly duck out of the waiting room yourself and do your best to conceal yourself in the maze of corridors outside.
[more]

A Dusty Ventilation Grill Overlooking The Tax Collector's Office
Through the grill ahead of you, you can see down into the Tax Collector's office - a cramped place overflowing with ledgers, journals and maths books. The Tax Collector himself potters back and forth between a desk and a table, a calculator in one hand and a ruler in the other. The sound of his muttered sums drifts up to you.
Behind you, the ventilation system leads south out of the building.
Okay, this wasn't really what you had in mind when you decided to conceal yourself, but sneaking into the ventilation system seems to have worked wonders all the same. You are closer now to the evil Tax Collector than you have ever been.

> open grill
At the slightest touch, the ventilation grill falls into the room beyond. Unfortunately so do you.
You land with a thud several feet away from the Tax Collector who regards you with a disappointed look.
"I had expected better from you, Masked Defender," he says coldly. "I had expected a daring raid or perhaps a stealthy assassination attempt or maybe even a full on assault against my arsenal of weapons and minions. But instead this." He shakes his head. "I had thought better of you."
"I'm here to bring you in, Tax Collector," you say. "You conspired with the Paper Boys to have me killed and-"
"And many more things besides," the super villain interrupts. "My minions have wreaked true havoc in this pitiful city for weeks now: the Pizza Delivery Kid, the Smell, the Paper Boys... Ah, the but list goes on."
"You're forgetting that I've stopped three of those villains," you say. "They're rotting away in jail cells up and down the country."
A flicker of unbridled rage spasms across the Tax Collector's face. "Yes. I heard. My plans have taken a setback certainly. But no matter. I have the strength to defeat the likes of you, Masked Defender. But enough of that for now. You will be bringing no one to justice because your life ends here." A smile briefly flickers across the Tax Collector's face. "Come then. Let us fight, MD. Just you and I. To the victor the spoils. To the loser..."
What to do?
(1) Attack the Tax Collector
(2) Use an item
(3) Destroy some of the scenery

> 3
You cast your eagle eye around the office and decide to destroy:
(A) The Tax Collector's calculator
(B) The ledgers
(C) The maths books
(D) The journals
(E) Try something else

> b
Darting past the super villain, you grab the first ledger you come to and tear it apart!
"You fool!" cries the Tax Collector, his face a mixture of outright rage and horror. "Have you any idea how many years I've spent collating figures in there?"
He seems almost shrunken as the pages drift slowly to the floor.
What to do?
(1) Attack the Tax Collector
(2) Use an item
(3) Destroy some of the scenery

> 3
You cast your eagle eye around the office and decide to destroy:
(A) The Tax Collector's calculator
(B) The ledgers
(C) The maths books
(D) The journals
(E) Try something else

> c
You grab a maths book and rip its binding off at the same time as the Tax Collector lashes out with his foot and sends you reeling.
"Heathen!" he cries. "Have you any idea of the sentimental value those books have for me?"
"You kill people for a living yet you talk about sentimental value?" you say coldly.
"Hah! I might have expected you to fail to understand the bigger picture."
What to do?
(1) Attack the Tax Collector
(2) Use an item
(3) Destroy some of the scenery

> 2
What will you use?
(A1) A newspaper
(A2) A marble
(A3) An iron
(A4) A sandwich
(A5) Your super hero ID
(A6) A net
(A7) A pencil
(A8) A hot dog
(A9) Some knuckledusters
(A10) The bible
(A11) Try something else

> a3
You lob the iron at the Tax Collector who is a fraction of a second too slow in dodging. It hits him in the middle of the face and sends him reeling back.
What to do?
(1) Attack the Tax Collector
(2) Use an item
(3) Destroy some of the scenery

> a9
Slipping on the knuckledusters, you aim a solid punch at the Tax Collector's face. He brings his ruler up to stop you and the two weapons meet in midair, the force of this sending you reeling backwards.
"My... ruler," cries the Tax Collector, sounding distraught. "You've put a dent in it."
He sounds as if you had put a dent in him instead.
A pity the force of the blow shattered the knuckledusters but you feel you've certainly got some use out of them.
What to do?
(1) Attack the Tax Collector
(2) Use an item
(3) Destroy some of the scenery
Suddenly the Tax Collector staggers and slips to one knee.
"No!" he cries, one hand clutched to his chest. "Damn this weak heart of mine! It's not made for... for active... stuff like this... it's made for... for..."
But whatever his heart is made for you'll never know. The Tax Collector gives a gurgle of pain, his face goes a bright purple colour, he throws one arm up (the class super villain dying pose) and then crashes down before you.
Exit one super villain.
[more]
And so ends the reign of terror of the evil Tax Collector, mightiest of super villains. You, the Masked Defender, are triumphant and can go home safely, secure in the knowledge that the world is a better place for your actions today.
But know well that though one master super villain is defeated, there are others are there, baying for your blood, and it will be all too soon that you are called upon to fight them.
[more]

End Game
You stand in emptiness, the game over. If you want to play again, type "restart" or "load" to restore a previously saved game.