> south
You move south. A long rocky mountain path twists and turns like a snake from north to south. Windswept clouds glide by high above.

> south
You move south. At the foot of the mountain, the path meets the highway. The Inn is the only thing that breaks the flat, cold line of the horizon for miles. It is a wooden framed building, with walls of plaster and straw. A painted sign swings in the breeze just above the entrance, and by the side of the road stands a wooden post with a board nailed to it.

> in
You move in.
The ceiling is surprisingly low, with thick wooden beams jutting out from it. The far wall is lined with a dusty looking wooden counter, acting as the bar, the landlord stands behind it and the rest of the room is filled with decrepit tables and chairs. A cork board with notices pinned to it hangs on the wall to the right of the entrance.

> show medallion to landlord
"The Chief gave me this. Said it was good for credit." You say. The landlord takes it in his hands and examines it closely. "It looks like his alright." He replies. "Ok, I'll put it on his account."

> buy ticket
The landlord puts his hand in his pocket and fumbles about a bit. (He seems to enjoy that a bit too much for your comfort.) Finally he pulls out a ticket and places it on the bar. The landlord scratches himself (the less you know about where the better!)

> buy beer
He scoops some warm, flat beer out of a barrel behind him with a tankard and slaps it on the bar.

> buy wine
The landlord ducks under the bar, rummages around, and returns holding a green bottle, slamming it on the bar. The landlord blows his nose on the rag.

> buy whiskey
The landlord turns around and grabs a bottle from behind him, then places it on the bar.

> get all
There is nothing to pick up here.

> get ticket
You take the ticket from the bar. The landlord farts. (He seems quite happy about it.)

> get beer
You take the tankard from the bar. The landlord coughs up something vile and spits it on the floor.

> get wine
You take the green bottle from the bar.

> get whiskey
You take the brown bottle from the bar.

> drink beer
Holding your nose with one hand, and the tankard with the other, you knock it back in one big gulp.

> drink wine
Pulling the cork out with your teeth and spitting it 5 horizontal feet, you pour the wine straight down your throat without swallowing. The landlord scratches himself (the less you know about where the better!)

> drink whiskey
You take a mouthful, slosh it around a bit, then swallow. It tastes like hot dish water and burns all the way down. Does wonders for your mouth ulcers though. Having sampled the landlords inventory, you wait patiently for the coach to arrive. But after what feels like an age has passed (10 minutes) you begin to feel quite parched and decide to have another drink to wet your whistle. Then a couple more, just to pass the time. One more, for a toast to the clan, oh and best not forget a few for the road (it is a long journey after all.) Before you know it, the day has turned into night and you have had more drinks than you can count. The sound of horses hoofs can be heard from outside.

> out
You move out. At the foot of the mountain, the path meets the highway. The Inn is the only thing that breaks the flat, cold line of the horizon for miles. It is a wooden framed building, with walls of plaster and straw. A painted sign swings in the breeze just above the entrance, and by the side of the road stands a wooden post with a board nailed to it. Also here is the coach and a mangy horse.

> give ticket to jack
You hand Jack the ticket. He seems happy.

> get in coach
You pull down on the brass handle and swing the door wide open. With a little hop, you hop on inside, and with another, you bash your head on the roof. Freaky Jack takes this as a sign to get going, so with a crack of the whip, the coach speeds off into the night, rattling like crazy, and you inside, upside down, back to front, and every which way except the right one, feeling very drunk and very ill. You fall into a dreamless sleep and are awakened when your head hits the ground, as Freaky Jack drags you out of his coach by the ankles and dumps you by the road. "Here, you going." he says before jumping back on his coach and gallops off ever onward. You're by the side of a wide, well worn track, stretching far off to the east and west. A large, gnarled tree with branches that hang like broken fingers grows by a path leading off to the north through a dense wood. The sun is creeping up in the morning sky, your stomach grumbles and your head is spinning.

> north
You move north. A tall, solid structure made of timbers with a sloped roof, stands alone in a clearing facing the lake to the west. Smoke spirals upwards from a stone chimney, and a large oak door, framed by an pine arch, stands ajar in its west wall. Another wooden structure can be seen just off to the north west, while a trail leads further into the woods to the northwest.

> ne
You move northeast. The muddy trail, covered with leaves of all different colours and shades, branches off three ways. North, east or south east. The trees of the wood stretch upwards towards the sky, their branches casting a patch work of shadows upon the ground. You feel hungry.

> north
You move north. Under the canopy of the woods stands a short, stony building, covered in grass. A green painted door in between two circular windows appears to be the only way in or out. A large flat stone leans up against the building with writing carved into it.

> in
You move in. All manner of bottles and herbs and plants fill the place up and make it look very cluttered. Behind a counter with a copper top, stands Herb. The wall behind him is covered in shelves filled with big glass jars of almost every colour their is. Herb is here. Your stomach growls. Your throat is sore.

> show medallion to herb
You show him the medallion. "You wish to use an account? no problem!" says Herb.

> buy backward burp berries
"Just one moment my green mountain friend." Says Herb. He runs his finger along the jars on the back wall, whispering the names of on the labels to himself. "Bracken bunch, boom weed, bark bite... ah ha!" he cries. "Burp berries, backward." He takes a handful out of the jar and wraps them in a large leaf, before placing them on the counter. "That'll be 10 groats please." he tells you, smiling. Your guts rumble. You feel thirsty.

> get berries
You take the backward burp berries.

> out
You move out. Under the canopy of the woods stands a short, stony building, covered in grass. A green painted door in between two circular windows appears to be the only way in or out. A large flat stone leans up against the building with writing carved into it. You feel hungry. Your head is spinning.

> south
You move south. The muddy trail, covered with leaves of all different colours and shades, branches off three ways. North, east or south east. The trees of the wood stretch upwards towards the sky, their branches casting a patch work of shadows upon the ground.

> sw
You move southwest. A tall, solid structure made of timbers with a sloped roof, stands alone in a clearing facing the lake to the west. Smoke spirals upwards from a stone chimney, and a large oak door, framed by an pine arch, stands ajar in its west wall. Another wooden structure can be seen just off to the north west, while a trail leads further into the woods to the northwest. Your stomach growls.

> in
You move in. It is just one large room with timber walls and sawdust on the floor. A circular counter stands in the middle of it with a barman leaning idly upon it. Above him, suspended by two chains, is a large wooden board with writing burned into it. A stone fireplace stands pride of place in the centre of the east wall, with logs burning brightly away. A wooden staircase on the northern wall leads upwards. Sounds can be heard from behind a hatch in the south wall, while a serving wrench flitters around, cleaning and tidying. Sitting at one of the tables is a elderly fellow, sipping from a cup.

> show medallion to barman
You dangle the medallion in front of the barman. "Ah! you're from the mountains aren't you. Your chief comes here quite often y'know. I'll bill your expenses to him."

> rent room
The barman opens up a drawer and hands you a key. "It's up the stairs there, room 2." He tells you. You feel hungry. You feel thirsty.

> up
You move up. The hall is narrow with a high roof and squeaky floorboards. At the far end is a door with a wooden plaque on it, while running down both sides are other doors, none of which hold any interest to you, except one with the number 2 carved into it, to the west.

> north
You move north. It is no more than a wooden bench with a hole in it. An awful stench reeks from it. A shelf is on the east wall. Your stomach growls. Your head is spinning.

> x shelf
A simple wooden shelf. A wash basin is on the shelf.

> get basin
You take the wash basin from the shelf. Your guts rumble.

> south
You move south. The hall is narrow with a high roof and squeaky floorboards. At the far end is a door with a wooden plaque on it, while running down both sides are other doors, none of which hold any interest to you, except one with the number 2 carved into it, to the west.

> unlock door
Using the key, you unlock the door. You feel hungry. Your throat is sore.

> west
You move west. A wooden bed with a mattress of straw and a woollen blanket fills most of the room. It is small, but sufficient. Beside the bed is a little desk, and in the western wall, looking out over the lake is a square window.

> x desk
It is sturdy and simple in design. A drawer is inside the desk. Your stomach growls. You feel thirsty.

> get drawer
You take the drawer from the desk. Your guts rumble. Your head is spinning.

> open drawer
You open the drawer. A candle is inside the drawer.

> get candle
You take the candle from the drawer. You feel hungry.

> east
You move east. The hall is narrow with a high roof and squeaky floorboards. At the far end is a door with a wooden plaque on it, while running down both sides are other doors, none of which hold any interest to you, except one with the number 2 carved into it, to the west.

> down
You move down. It is just one large room with timber walls and sawdust on the floor. A circular counter stands in the middle of it with a barman leaning idly upon it. Above him, suspended by two chains, is a large wooden board with writing burned into it. A stone fireplace stands pride of place in the centre of the east wall, with logs burning brightly away. A wooden staircase on the northern wall leads upwards. Sounds can be heard from behind a hatch in the south wall, while a serving wrench flitters around, cleaning and tidying. Sitting at one of the tables is a elderly fellow, sipping from a cup. Your stomach growls. Your throat is sore.

> sit at table
You pick a nice sturdy table with a nice solid chair and sit yourself down at it.

> order lunch
You beckon over Mary with a finger, and tell her your order. "Yes Sir, right away." she says writing it on a piece of paper and scurrying off to the hatch. She slips the paper under it and returns to her duties. Your guts rumble. "ONE LUNCH COMING UP!" Shouts the cook. You feel thirsty.

> wait
Time passes...

> wait
Time passes... You feel hungry. The cook shouts out many profanities and curses the ovens. Your head is spinning.

> wait
Time passes...

> wait
Time passes... Your stomach growls. The sound of something being hit with a saucepan can be heard from behind the hatch.

> wait
Time passes...

> wait
Time passes... Your guts rumble. The hatch opens. The face of the greasy cook lurks from out it. "Mary, One lunch!" She cries. Mary collects it and brings the meal over to you. "Here you are Sir." She says while putting it on the table, then scurries she scurries off. Your throat is sore.

> get lunch
You take the Hunters lunch from the tree table.

> eat lunch
You garb handfuls of food and shove it into your face, chewing noisily. Bread crumbs fly all over the table. You feel thirsty.

> get crumbs
You take the lot of breadcrumbs from the tree table.

> buy water
The barman opens up a trap door in the floor. Inside is a pool of water. He scoops some into a cup and puts it on the counter. Your head is spinning.

> get water
You take the cup of mineral water from the bar.

> drink water
You gulp down the water. Refreshing.

> light candle on fire
You light the candle on the fire. surprisingly, the flame is a bright blue!

> out
You move out. A tall, solid structure made of timbers with a sloped roof, stands alone in a clearing facing the lake to the west. Smoke spirals upwards from a stone chimney, and a large oak door, framed by an pine arch, stands ajar in its west wall. Another wooden structure can be seen just off to the north west, while a trail leads further into the woods to the northwest.

> ne
You move northeast. The muddy trail, covered with leaves of all different colours and shades, branches off three ways. North, east or south east. The trees of the wood stretch upwards towards the sky, their branches casting a patch work of shadows upon the ground.

> east
You move east. Piles of rubble lay in a circle, eroded by the weather and covered in moss. In the middle, worn stone steps descend into darkness.

> down
You move down. Walls of cold stone bricks, with trickles of water running down them and chains and shackles bolted to them, give the place a very spooky feeling. There are claw marks deep in the stone work and bones of old creatures litter the ground. An archway leads off to the south, and a wall of bars separate this room from another to the east. The bricks of the north wall appear to be of a different size to the rest.

> kick bars
You take a few steps back, run at them and throw your full weight at them, feet first. One of them shoots out and clangs noisily on the floor of the dungeon.

> get bar
You pick up the metal bar.

> south
You move south. By the look of the blood stained stones and the rusty tools of torture, hanging from a nearby rack, it is obvious that many a poor soul had an unfortunate end here. A rotten wooden chair with leather straps on it is bolted to the ground in the middle of the room. Beside it is a large iron bucket, also bolted to the ground.

> x bucket
It's narrow and riveted along the seams. It looks like hot coals used to be placed in it, for the purpose of heating up pokers. A poker is inside the iron bucket.

> get poker
You take the poker from the iron bucket.

> north
You move north. Walls of cold stone bricks, with trickles of water running down them and chains and shackles bolted to them, give the place a very spooky feeling. There are claw marks deep in the stone work and bones of old creatures litter the ground. An archway leads off to the south, and a wall of bars separate this room from another to the east. The bricks of the north wall appear to be of a different size to the rest.

> x wall
The bricks are of a different size and it looks like it was built in a hurry. A hole is inside the north wall.

> put poker in hole
You shove the poker in as far as it will go. Half of it sticks out.

> pull poker
Using the poker as a lever, you start pulling and pushing it up an down. The surrounding bricks start to crack and crumble. Soon the half the wall comes tumbling down in an almighty crash.

> north
You move north. Chained by both arms and feet, a skeleton hangs, still wearing armour. Also here is a sword blade.

> x skeleton
It's been here for a long while. An old helmet is on the skeleton.

> get helmet
You take the old helmet from the skeleton.

> drop poker
You drop the poker.

> get sword blade
You pick up the sword blade.

> south
You move south. Walls of cold stone bricks, with trickles of water running down them and chains and shackles bolted to them, give the place a very spooky feeling. There are claw marks deep in the stone work and bones of old creatures litter the ground. An archway leads off to the south, and a wall of bars separate this room from another to the east. A pile of bricks lie in front of a hole in the north wall.

> up
You move up. Piles of rubble lay in a circle, eroded by the weather and covered in moss. In the middle, worn stone steps descend into darkness.

> west
You move west. The muddy trail, covered with leaves of all different colours and shades, branches off three ways. North, east or south east. The trees of the wood stretch upwards towards the sky, their branches casting a patch work of shadows upon the ground.

> se
You move southeast. In the muddy trail, a set of footprints are clearly visible, heading south.

> south
You move south. The denseness of the canopy above prevents almost any light from getting in. The ground is covered in weeds, squeezing the life out of wild flowers and anything else that chooses to try and grow here. A small hill (also covered in weeds) has a hole dug into its side.

> in
You move in. A steep tunnel leads down into a cavern. The place is so cramped that you have to sit on the floor with your knees under your chin just to fit! Paintings in bamboo frames hang on walls of dirt and little wooden furniture is arranged rather homely around a heath. Passageways leading in all directions (too narrow for you to explore) twist and turn ever deeper into the ground. lying on a couch with a bandage around his head, is the oddest looking fellow you've ever seen (by the look on his face, you must be the oddest he has seen).

> give helmet to weevil
You suggest a trade to Weevil. The helmet for the firewater. Weevil studies the helmet and knocks it a few times. He puts it on his head, it's too big for him but he agrees to the trade and hands you a bottle.

> out
You move out. The denseness of the canopy above prevents almost any light from getting in. The ground is covered in weeds, squeezing the life out of wild flowers and anything else that chooses to try and grow here. A small hill (also covered in weeds) has a hole dug into its side.

> north
You move north. In the muddy trail, a set of footprints are clearly visible, heading south.

> nw
You move northwest. The muddy trail, covered with leaves of all different colours and shades, branches off three ways. North, east or south east. The trees of the wood stretch upwards towards the sky, their branches casting a patch work of shadows upon the ground.

> sw
You move southwest. A tall, solid structure made of timbers with a sloped roof, stands alone in a clearing facing the lake to the west. Smoke spirals upwards from a stone chimney, and a large oak door, framed by an pine arch, stands ajar in its west wall. Another wooden structure can be seen just off to the north west, while a trail leads further into the woods to the northwest.

> south
You move south. You're by the side of a wide, well worn track, stretching far off to the east and west. A large, gnarled tree with branches that hang like broken fingers grows by a path leading off to the north through a dense wood.

> x tree
It looks very old. The shape of it suggests it's a willow, but the branches are too thick and the leaves are wide and a deep, rich, green. A hangman's noose is tied to one of the lower branches.

> cut noose with sword blade
You shimmy up the tree and along the branch with the noose on. Using the sword blade in a sawing motion, you cut the noose free and it falls to the ground.

> get noose
You take the noose.

> drop cup
You drop the empty cup.

> drop key
You drop the room key.

> north
You move north. A tall, solid structure made of timbers with a sloped roof, stands alone in a clearing facing the lake to the west. Smoke spirals upwards from a stone chimney, and a large oak door, framed by an pine arch, stands ajar in its west wall. Another wooden structure can be seen just off to the north west, while a trail leads further into the woods to the northwest.

> in
You move in. It is just one large room with timber walls and sawdust on the floor. A circular counter stands in the middle of it with a barman leaning idly upon it. Above him, suspended by two chains, is a large wooden board with writing burned into it. A stone fireplace stands pride of place in the centre of the east wall, with logs burning brightly away. A wooden staircase on the northern wall leads upwards. Sounds can be heard from behind a hatch in the south wall, while a serving wrench flitters around, cleaning and tidying. Sitting at one of the tables is a elderly fellow, sipping from a cup.

> pour firewater into Sid's cup
You make an off the cuff comment about how much easier things where in the good 'ole days and Sid flares up like a volcano, spewing fourth such things as 'You lot don't know your even born!' and 'In my day we did a days work for a days pay! And that was when work was work!' You quietly pour some of the firewater into his cup without him knowing, then apologize about your remark. He soon quiets down again. Sid takes a sip from his cup.

> wait
Time passes...

> wait
Time passes... Sid takes another sip, his eyes start to glaze over.

> wait
Time passes...

> wait
Time passes... Sid gulps down the rest of his drink.

> wait
Time passes...

> wait
Time passes... Sid hiccups, and starts slurring his speech. The phrase 'legless' pops to mind.

> bet Sid with captain
You bet Salty you can achieve where he has failed so many times, catching the captain. "Ha!" cries Sid, "You? catch the captain? HA HA HA HA HA! If yoush do that, I'll give thee a fortune in gold. But, if's you fail, You gives me that medal thing you've got there." He points to the medallion. You agree to the terms and shake on it. "I'lls lend you me boat." says Sid, stumbling to his feet. "Meet me in me boat house whens your ready." And with that, he walks off (in a jagged line ) laughing to himself.

> out
You move out. A tall, solid structure made of timbers with a sloped roof, stands alone in a clearing facing the lake to the west. Smoke spirals upwards from a stone chimney, and a large oak door, framed by an pine arch, stands ajar in its west wall. Another wooden structure can be seen just off to the north west, while a trail leads further into the woods to the northwest.

> nw
You move northwest. It is a timber building, similar in look to the tavern, except it's triangular in structure. It's walls slope gently down from a height of about 18 feet.. A hole in the front has two rails sliding out from it and straight into the lake, while on its side, a door in a porch leads in with a lantern attracting insects hanging from it.

> in
You move in. All manner of fishing equipment is sprawled all over the place. Hanging from ceiling, hooked unto the walls, even heaped into piles and stuffed into boxes. A sea worthy rowing boat is placed on top of two rails sloping down and out through a hole in the wall straight out to the lake. Salty Sid is here, laying on a big pile of nets.

> x boat
It's a small rowboat made from oak. A fishing net is on the boat.

> get net
You take the fishing net from the boat.

> get in boat
"Yoush ready then, eh?, get in and I'll shove you off then." slurs Salty Sid. You climb into the boat and hold on to the sides. Sid gives the thing a push and it slides down the rails, splashes into the lake and drifts out towards the middle. You're standing on the rowing boat, hoping to get your sea legs and slowly getting sea sick. (Trolls and water have never really got on, that's why they never take baths). The brown muddy water of the lake laps up against the sides.

> put breadcrumbs in basin
You put the lot of breadcrumbs inside the wash basin.

> put firewater in basin
You pour half the bottle into the basin. Gently, you swish it around, until the breadcrumbs have soaked it all up.

> tie sword to bar with noose
Tying the blade tightly to one end of the bar, you manage to make a rather decent spear.

> put soaked breadcrumbs in lake
You throw the breadcrumbs over the side and watch them float on the water.

> put soaked breadcrumbs in lake
You throw the firewater drenched breadcrumbs over the side and watch them float on the water.

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes... A huge ominous shape hangs just under the water's surface.

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes... The head of a giant fish pops out from the water and starts munching on the breadcrumbs. It has to be the captain!

> spear captain
Firmly gripping your trusty spear, you lunge it at the great fishy beast. You strike a blow upon its head and lunge at it again and again. It tries to escape but the firewater has made it sluggish, the captain soon dies and floats on the surface.

> get captain
You pick up the dead captain.

> north
You paddle the boat back to shore, just outside the boathouse.

> in
You move in. All manner of fishing equipment is sprawled all over the place. Hanging from ceiling, hooked unto the walls, even heaped into piles and stuffed into boxes. A sea worthy rowing boat is placed on top of two rails sloping down and out through a hole in the wall straight out to the lake. All manner of fishing equipment is sprawled all over the place. Hanging from ceiling, hooked unto the walls, even heaped into piles and stuffed into boxes.

> give captain to Sid
Triumphantly, you throw the carcass of the captain to the ground. Salty Sid is speechless. Without a word, he retrieves a sack from a hiding place and hands it to you. He sits down in astonishment and stares at the dead fish.

> out
You move out. It is a timber building, similar in look to the tavern, except it's triangular in structure. It's walls slope gently down from a height of about 18 feet.. A hole in the front has two rails sliding out from it and straight into the lake, while on its side, a door in a porch leads in with a lantern attracting insects hanging from it. Upon the shore of the lake, lies the boat.

> se
You move southeast. A tall, solid structure made of timbers with a sloped roof, stands alone in a clearing facing the lake to the west. Smoke spirals upwards from a stone chimney, and a large oak door, framed by an pine arch, stands ajar in its west wall. Another wooden structure can be seen just off to the north west, while a trail leads further into the woods to the northwest.

> in
You move in. It is just one large room with timber walls and sawdust on the floor. A circular counter stands in the middle of it with a barman leaning idly upon it. Above him, suspended by two chains, is a large wooden board with writing burned into it. A stone fireplace stands pride of place in the centre of the east wall, with logs burning brightly away. A wooden staircase on the northern wall leads upwards. Sounds can be heard from behind a hatch in the south wall, while a serving wrench flitters around, cleaning and tidying.

> pay barman
wisely, you decide to settle your food and drink bill in cash, thus preventing the Chief being billed (and you being pummelled by him.)

> out
You move out. A tall, solid structure made of timbers with a sloped roof, stands alone in a clearing facing the lake to the west. Smoke spirals upwards from a stone chimney, and a large oak door, framed by an pine arch, stands ajar in its west wall. Another wooden structure can be seen just off to the north west, while a trail leads further into the woods to the northwest.

> south
You move south. You're by the side of a wide, well worn track, stretching far off to the east and west. A large, gnarled tree with branches that hang like broken fingers grows by a path leading off to the north through a dense wood. Freaky Jack is here, waiting to take you back. Also here is the coach, an empty cup, a room key and a mangy horse.

> get in coach
Happy to be going home, you hop on the coach and knock on the roof to tell Jack to get going. He cracks his whip and the coach speeds off down the road, shaking and rattling like mad. At the foot of the mountain, the path meets the highway. The Inn is the only thing that breaks the flat, cold line of the horizon for miles. It is a wooden framed building, with walls of plaster and straw. A painted sign swings in the breeze just above the entrance, and by the side of the road stands a wooden post with a board nailed to it.

> north
You move north. A long rocky mountain path twists and turns like a snake from north to south. Windswept clouds glide by high above.

> north
You move north. The frog monster is awake and munching heartily on the burp berries. Murky is still caught underneath and your fellow trolls are still trying to move it. "Ah, you're back then." says the chief, upon spotting you. "Hand over the berries then and let's get this over with, Murky's been whining and complaining all day and night."

> give backward burp berries to chief
You give them to the chief, he seems very chuffed with your success and hands you a feather. " Right, I want you to go over there and tickle the monster so I can get a good shot at getting these berries down it's throat."

> tickle frog
Carefully you sneak up close, and start to tickle it on the belly. It starts to smirk, then chuckle, and then finally burst out laughing deep belly laughs. "Right." shouts the chief. "You like berries eh? Well get a load of these ones!" The chief draws from his pocket a catapult and loads it. Taking aim he fires the berries right into the frog's mouth, where they hit the back of his throat, making him swallow. "DUCK!" Cries the chief, as he throws himself into the bushes. Everyone else, including you does the same. Some time passes...nothing...then some more...a rumbling can be heard...it gets louder...then in one violent act of gastronomic delight the frog monster burps and farts at the same time, seconds before it explodes into a hundred pieces sending bloody chunks of frog flesh in all directions. A great cheer goes up and everyone jumps around and cheers with joy. Even poor old Murky manages a sigh, delighted that such a weight has been lifted from his chest. "Fungus," calls the chief. "Good job getting those berries. I hope you didn't have any trouble, or more importantly, piss anyone off?" "No chief, no trouble at all chief." "Good, so you can get back to work! There's a pile of dirty plates inside reaching from the ground to the roof! Get cracking, and if they ain't all clean by dinner time, I'll bust your head in!"